So, I talked about this on my Facebook page and was asked to share. Since it gets all shifted in a Facebook post, I’m putting it up here. (NOTES & WARNINGS: Not a romance. Written from a prompt years ago which I think was gruesome jealousy. ALSO, not edited or anything…so don’t judge! 😉 )
There is one person I want, need, and desire. And there is only one person who has what I want, what I would die for. I hate watching them, but cannot stop myself. It’s as if I no longer exist in the world.
There they are. The happy couple with their arms wrapped around each other. His hand inside the back pocket of her jeans. My stomach knots. That used to be my spot.
It leaves me sick with longing to watch them from the dark corner of the restaurant. The way they sit on the same side of the table so he can brush away her hair and nuzzle her neck.
It should be me, it used to be me.
My heart aches from cracks forming in the bleeding muscle.
I don’t have to follow them from the restaurant. I know where his car is, parked just a few spaces down the street, but I hurry to mine. Ignored by them for so long, they don’t even notice me across the street watching them from the darkened car. The same care we once shared so many moments. Moments forgotten.
He opens the passenger door, helping her into the car. Another crack forms along my aching muscle. A monster, green and malicious, clawed furiously inside.
I start my engine with the twist of a wrist and wait for them to pull away. They don’t move.
Sitting helplessly I stare at their car-silenced laughter. Soon, the windows fog and my guts churn. The monster tears at my heart. The steering column protests my white knuckle grip on the wheel.
The desire to run to the car and yank her from inside boils beneath my flesh. She doesn’t belong in that car, with him. I clench my eyes shut and will myself to stay in the car. The monster digs his talons in, infecting me with his will.
They pass by in his car without a glance in my direction. I quickly pull out, ignoring the oncoming headlights. I don’t have to follow too closely. I know where they’re going. I’ve been there so many times, spent so many hours reveling in ecstasy and bliss. I could walk through the place blindfolded. Oh, I knew all too well where they were going and what will happen there. My insides tighten and the monster snaps his teeth.
Soon, we reach the destination. They park in the driveway and shut off the car. I drive by, only to loop back around and park down the street from the familiar white house with blue shutters and wrap around porch. The house I’ve spent so much time laughing and loving. Now it’s the house where I would no longer be ignored.
The monster’s ravaging poison flows through my veins, coursing like a river. I punch my dashboard, trying to keep control.
Slowly, but with purpose, I climb out of my car and stalk through the wet lawn. The squishing of the wet earth under my feet echoed in my head. I make my way toward the back of the house I used to sneak into.
The familiar bedroom window lights up and their entwined shadows taunt me. The monster screams for freedom and bite down harder. My stomach wretches and the darkness around me closes in. My mind is reeling, my stomach heaving.
Grabbing the sides of my head, I fist my hair and drop to my knees. A haze fills my head.
Unsure of how long I knelt on the cold, wet grass, the monster makes his demands. Something inside of me starts to snap. Pulling myself from the ground, my knees soaked with mud. I move with conviction to the back door.
The urge to slam my fists against the door is a hard battle to fight. My eyes seek entrance.
A window sits cracked open. The monster grins.
Quietly, I creep through the downstairs window. Standing with darkness as my shroud, their moans drift from the second floor bedroom. The monster within me grew and finds his freedom.
Silently, I ghost up the stairs and stand before the bedroom door. My chest heaving and my nostrils flared, the monster orders me forward. I obey.
“Oh God… yes… right there!” Her cries pierce me like a dagger.
Grabbing at the sides of my head, the monster rages within. Then the familiar knock of the wooden headboard against the wall fills the stifling space around me. I stretch out my arm and clasp the cold knob.
Once the door is open, I can smell their lust, hear their skin, her moans, his grunts, and that fucking headboard. All of it taunting me, urging the monster to play his deadly game.
She begs for more and he willingly complies. My stomach twist with agony. Bile rises into my throat. A disgusting gargling noise escapes from my lips, but neither of them notice.
A few steps and I can see him move in and out of her, his hands roam her body, her hands scratch at his arms.
That’s mine. That body belongs to me!
For a moment my mind goes blank. All I see is red. The monster shoves me aside, taking control.
“I just had to see for myself how she is so much fucking better than being with me!” The monster chuckles darkly. My voice unrecognizable.
Both of them scream and jolt in my direction. She grabs his discarded shirt and tries to cover herself. The monster snorts in disgust.
He quickly stands, fully naked, and takes one step toward me.
“What the fuck are you doing?!” He moves closer, taking a defensive position in front of her.
The monster sneers, disgusted. It reaches behind us. Clasping the cold metal handle of the gun, we aimed it at him.
He halts. His eyes wide. She scream.
The monster revels in the scent of their fear.
“Get back on the bed!” The monster snarls.
His palms came out in front of him as if that would stop the bullet.
“Calm down, Anthony.”
We snort at his attempt to calm.
“This is what you chose. Nathan, you knew how much I love…how I felt!”
Both of them try to speak, but the pointed gun shut them down.
“Shut up!” The voice is mine again and filled with sadness. The monster snaps his long poisonous teeth wanting control back once more.
At the sound of her voice, the poisonous beast is back in control. We sneer and aim the gun on her.
“Shut up, bitch!” The monster grows, absorbing the fear, hate, and betrayal.
“Faces down in the bed!” My lower body begins to react. The power, the fear, the revenge engorging us.
“You don’t have to do this,” she sobs.
With a cock of the gun, he moves to shield her. The monster devours my shattered heart. I’m completely lost to the rage filled red haze. We storm the bed.
Grabbing her by the hair, I shove her face into the bed. Nathan pleads for Anthony to stop.
Anthony isn’t here anymore.
Sneering, I place the gun to the back of her head. With my eyes focused on his, I pull the trigger.
His howl pulls my attention down to the sight of her blood soaking onto his bed. He lunges, but the monster is too quick. With a sob, he lands on the hard wood floor.
Nathan now kneels before us. The monster grins in satisfaction of his submission. Tears and blood splatter streak his face. We cock the pistol.
“I loved you,” he blubbers.
We grunt and leer down at him over the barrel of the gun. It only took one smooth movement to push his chin up with the end of the gun. Leaning down, our poisonous teeth are inches from his face.
“But you didn’t want me did you?” I scream, “You were too ashamed, so instead you chose that!” I shove his face in the direction of her lifeless body.
Nathan’s bed now soaked from her blood makes the monster giddy. We turned back and lick the blood and tears from the side of his face.
Nathan sobs and pushes us away from our celebration. We glare at him.
For all the times I loved you, for all the times I stood by while you chose her over and over again.
“Now you can have the whore! Together forever.” Spit flies from my lips, spraying across his face.
Straightening up, we press the barrel into the soft flesh of his forehead. The monster pulls the trigger.
The bullet pierces his skull and explodes from the back of his head. His body slumps and lifelessly collapses to the floor in a soft thud. The monster rejoices. My chest aches and the monster growls in disapproval.
Loss, regret, and heartbreak bring me to my knees next to Nathan’s dead body. His blood pools, mixing with the mud on my knees. Slowly, I stroke the familiar planes of his motionless chest.
The feel of him so familiar. How I wanted him, love him, and would have given everything.
The monster within howls, demanding celebration. Poison takes over again. Our hand sinks into the red pool before bringing fingers to our poisonous mouth. The monster sucks victory from my fingertips.
The pain returns and the monster wants retribution for my weakness. I cock the pistol and swallow the barrel.